Last night, Blake was gone for work and Mom came to stay with us! When she got to my house, she immediately went to Ava's room to wake her from her nap! We both cuddled in the bed with her for awhile. Then we went to eat and SHOP of course! We got to wrestle with a two-year old over dinner and push her in a stroller while we shopped. Last night was a better night!
Four years ago last night, I went to bed still feeling no movement from Maddie. I don't think I slept much that night. I was starting to feel pretty concerned. I read her Green Eggs and Ham all night long. Blake had been reading her that book and she moved each time he read it. I talked to her all night begging her to kick me.
Last night, Ava Jayne slept in bed with me and kicked me all night long. Last night was a better night!
Four years ago this morning, I woke Mom up to tell her I still hadn't felt movement all night. We decided to go to Labor and Delivery to hear the heartbeat just for peace of mind. We were both concerned I guess, enough to get us to go to the hospital, but really neither of us were prepared for what was about to happen. We drank coffee on the way and talked about where we would go after we left the hospital.
This morning, I cuddled in bed with Ava kissing her head about one million times! I held her little fingers. I watched her breath in and out. Mom got ready and left for work. Once Ava woke up, I made my coffee and she had "milk chocolate." That's what she calls her chocolate milk. This morning was a better morning.
Four years ago this morning, a sweet nurse put that clear jelly stuff and the baby heartbeat doppler on my big belly. A heartbeat was detected right way. A sigh of relief. "No honey, I think that's your heartbeat," she said as she kept searching. She left the room and my doctor came in right away. Yes, he happened to have just finished a c-section and was outside my room on a Saturday morning. God took such good care of us. He did an ultrasound. I watched the screen as he said, "I don't see anything." "You don't see her?" I asked. "No honey, I see her, but I can't see her heart beating."
This morning, I watched my TV screen. It was "Jack's Big Music Show." This morning was a better morning.
Four years ago this morning, I called Blake and told him that we had lost our sweet Maddie.
This morning, Ava and I called Blake to tell him good morning and that we love him so much. This morning was a better morning.
Four years ago today, our families arrived very quickly and my labor was induced in the afternoon.
Four years ago tomorrow, Madelyne Jayne Young was born and my life changed forever. The Lord has been pulling at my heart for over a year now to share more about this. I have been reluctant to do so. I guess I was afraid of what others would think. I guess I thought to myself that there can't be more than about ten or so people that actually read this blog. I worried that people may think I am trying to get you to feel sorry for me. Please know that I feel so truly BLESSED everyday and this experience only made me a better person!!! This is my testimony.
God moved in me four years ago today and He's really been shaking me up ever since then. You see, that morning I heard news about our sweet baby that literally made me want to crumple into pieces. However, I remember laying there in all my sorrow and feeling privileged. God had chosen me to go through such a tragic and sad experience. He knew my Faith was strong! He knew that I could handle it. Did I have days where I could not get out of bed...YES! I was oh so sad, but I made it just as He knew I would.
I really don't think I knew I had what I have until that day. I knew I was a Christian. I believed that God sent his Son, Jesus, to die for my sins. I really did believe that and do still today with ALL my heart. But, on this day four years ago, I FELT MY JESUS!!!! He comforted me! He never left my side. When I cried in my pillow, I still knew He was there. He assured me this was all part of His plan and I BELIEVED Him! I never doubted Him. I knew that Maddie's death was all part of His plan. God BLESSED me with a WONDERFUL husband!!! He BLESSED me with Maddie!!! And He BLESSED me with this sweet, sweet girl that I got all fixed up for school this morning.
I hope that maybe just one person will read this today and see HOPE through my story. And maybe no one will. I don't know. But I did what the Lord wanted me to do and that's what matters most to me. Today is a better day! And not just because I have a healthy, sweet little girl and an AMAZING husband. I have a RELATIONSHIP with the Lord! I certainly hope that you do to!
You can read what I wrote last year on this day HERE!
7 comments:
This post has just melted me to pieces. You comfort and strength has given me cold chills. You are simply amazing and so is your testimony. I can never imagine the difficult time that you and your family had to experience but am thankful that you had the Lord by your side the entire time.
This post and the way you posted about it has touched my heart.
Wow Kasey this was a Beautiful Moving post. I was in tears. You are a strong and faithful woman and I look up to you for all the "positive" you put into your experiences! Thanks for giving me a little hope and proof that God knows what hes doing!
As i wipe away the tears and remember this day so well i want you to know that I love you and we sure love maddie too!!
I am glad you shared your story! You have a testimony others need to hear! Thank you for letting Jesus shine through your life.
What a beautiful testimony. I cannot imagine what you went through but remember my heart hurt for you when Mother told me the news.
After Mother died, I realized just how much I felt Jesus too. I'm sure it's because I'm comfortable in my faith and with my God, just as you mentioned. It's sad that so many miss out.
Ava is precious and a real blessing!
I know that was so difficult to share but so freeing at the same time. It was a blessing to hear God's love through your story!
Kasey, I know that this had to have been on of the hardest things you've had to go trough. It is so amazing how God works on us. Thank you
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